As the world scientists crack at the ever tinier physical particle, our understanding of the human feeling and emotion is as mysterious as the origin of the universe.
In 2 years, our marriage will cross the 30th mile marker. Between us, I often told my wife that she is a better investor.
Twenty eight years ago after my graduation from the college of engineering, I moved to Boston, Massachusetts with just a backpack.
Within the backpack contents were few pairs of clothes and exactly 2 cotton Hanes underwear. The ritual was that worn underwear will be hand-washed and hung-dried in exchange for the next shower – typically at every evening just before bedtime.
My graduation and across states migration was in the summer. My wife and I crossed path in the fall and her first act of caring was a pack of 6 brand new underwear for me.
As our courtship evolved, I noticed that she was fully engaged in feeding and clothing me – unaware that she was filling the void within me since a young child.
My parents divorced when I was 8 years old. For many years after, I have forgotten the maternal feeling until my wife came along – I had dated others throughout high school and college, but none was able to stoke the dried-up maternal connection within me.
With the Iraq war looming down, my prospect of an entry level Electrical Engineer position was severely threatened. It was a backward life situation for me at the moment – I have found the right girl for a marriage, but financially I have yet ready to support a family.
Eight months after we have met, without a job, I proposed to my wife for her hands in marriage. She accepted and invested her entire saving of $10,000 into our relationship – taking inflation into consideration it was a more than $20,000 as of this writing.
After 28 years, the 10K investment resulted in a family with children. For the past 6 years, we have substantial free time to plan and travel internationally as we have crossed the Financial Independence mile marker – with good health in relative to our ages.
I have yet topped my wife 10K investment 28 years ago with my record of financial investments in Wall Street.
Technical Love
When I first met my wife, I was not head over heel of the encounter!
It was her consistent efforts of expressions in kindness, caring and unconditional love for me that caught my attention. From my perspective, it was a technical love – I have received tangible benefits from her.
In looking back, I would not have invested in myself!
Emotionally, I was a lost kid who was longing for an emotional connection to a mother.
Financially, I was an unemployed engineer who was looking for an entry level position in a war looming economy.
At the age of 23, I was so inexperienced that I saw the world as black and white and completely missed the ubiquitous gray – as dark matter in the universe.
Blind Love
When my wife first met me, she clearly expressed not in words, but through action and behavior that I was the one she was searching. It was a blind love. She received no tangible benefits from me – just a feeling.
I was a know it all little boy in a man body with just a dime attached to my bank account.
Technically, it was a bad financial math to invest 10K into something that worth ten cents – similar to buying penny stocks.
In the next ten years, across three states, she faithfully followed me to nowhere – it was a blind love!
Fortunately, our financial outlook improved in the 11th year after I went back to school for the Master. My wife worked and took care our young daughter while I was focusing in the program – technically she was the investor in the degree.
Technical Love Vs Blind Love
If you are biological wired properly, you are, will or have experienced blind love at least one time in your life – puberty love is blind love.
Puberty love is unconditional. It is chemically induced to surpass everything man-made – money, fame and power.
There is only one natural occurrence that will out-last puberty love is maternal love – the love of a mother toward her children.
As we get older, puberty love or blind love transform into technical love. Hence, many older adults have hard time connect with others due to conflict of interests – too many conditions in place.
Technical conditions such as money, fame and power when applied to an intimidate relationship placed an upper limit in psychological growth in bonding between partners – as partners involved are constantly evaluating tangible benefits.
Blind love does not impose the upper limit in an intimate relationship. Each partner is freely to render the best of his/her selflessness toward the other partner. The downside of blind love is the Machiavellian nature of the human species – we are deeply animalistic in nature than capable in admission.
Unfortunately, many intimate relationships in the later years after the children have grown and moved away often transformed from blind to technical love.
The self-serving and self-preservation natures take hold as the partners in the relationship get older – resulted in the high rate of divorce among the cohort of population of the age range from 40 to 60.
Recently, there is a popular article that interpreted the scientific study conducted by Canadian and German researchers – couples “who had similar needs, but different interests, tended to be together for longer”.
This relationship study demonstrated the best cases of technical love where first and foremost, partners are drawn together to solved similar needs. Yet, each one maintains his/her personal interests outside the boundary of their relationship.
For intimate relationships that will outlast the lifespan of the partners and beyond, as one mate for life – require the involved partners to have similar needs, related interests and most importantly unconditionally support each other – the best case of blind love.
Let’s play the Game of Life!
