The Family is the second structure that shaped the Self-Complexity Odyssey defined in Relationship 101 (The Self) – The Odyssey Begins.
The minimalist definition of the Family is a relationship that bounds two “Selves” with the clear physical separation of boundaries.
Let’s refine the definition with greater precision to formally separate the structure from others. The two “Selves” are drawn to each other to meet the Evolution requirement – procreation via the exchange of gametes (copulation).
Since this is a requirement from Evolution, the relationship structure is the result of the built-in biological tendency to levitate toward each other – including the internal how to manual.
You can take a combination of two “Selves” in figure 2 above, place them on a remote and isolated island and naturally they gravitate toward each other result in the structural definition defined above – no culture, no written instruction is required.
We have a vast built-in knowledge of what to do with each other.
It is the culture specific that changes from one generation to the next which more than often confused the Family relationship structure.
In the 2001 movies “A Beautiful Mind”, mathematics professor John Forbes Nash Jr. expressed the confusion with his wife to be Alicia Nash – he did not understand all the rituals the two sexes have to go through just to exchange body fluids.
From a purist Evolution perspective, exchanging body fluids is the foundation for all life forms – survival of the fittest.
But a meaningful life is a layer above survival. It is this relationship layer that gives rise to the feeling of belonging and purposeful – the bell and whistles, the aroma of flowers, the next day anticipation – the kind of living experience only the human species can participate.
Unfortunately, the majority of the population is executing the survival of the fittest game plan for the duration of an average lifespan.
In the mid 17th century, prior to the British Industrial Revolution, the global average life span is approximately 35 to 40 years.
Survival of the fittest strategy is the perfect game plan – there is not much time for screwing around.
Three hundred years later, the average longevity around the world has doubled. Most world citizens are living beyond the 70’s.
The two “Selves” that magnetized toward each other at the beginning, unabashedly broadcasted to the world with the grandiose and cultural specific celebration along with the vow “Till Death Do Us Part” – yet, clueless of what to do with each other beyond the 40 miles marker of an average life span.
What has happened?
Simple – too many lives are living in the “survival of the fittest” mode within the specific cultural boundary where the fundamental values corroded the intimate relationship structure.
Typically, the rate of corrosion drastically increases right after the children rearing years – halfway of an average life span.
All life forms are designed with the “survival of the fittest” foundation.
The mode worked exceptionally in the plants and animals where the natural life span is architected by the Mighty Creator or Evolution – your choice of perspective.
Hence the two “Selves” that gravitate toward each other in an intimate relationship loses its strength in two categorizable scenarios –
- The moment after the procreation act has been successfully executed.
- The years after the nurturing of the offspring responsibility has been fulfilled.
Once, I sat across a successful medical doctor who was on his third marriage and firmly held a belief that his mission in life is to spread his seed.
I did my best to have a cordial conversation with the educated man while pointing out that the German shepherd sat quietly beneath our table has the same goal.
Paternal care for the young is seen in animal species to increase the like hood the propagation of the genes. All played out in accord to the specific species Evolutionary development in react to the surrounding environment – no need for the psychedelic drug of love.
Regardless, exclusive maternal care without the male involvement right after the copulation is a mutually acceptable act by the participating parties in many natural occurring circumstances.
In cases where the male is cooperating with the female in the caring for the young, the built-in courtship ritual is promptly ended when the young walked away from the partnership.
Overall, the amount of time the male renders paternal care for the young is ranged from zero to a full year where the young is able to fend for itself – effectively one mating season in majority of the species.
Regardless of the presence or absence of paternal care and for the majority of species in the animal kingdom –
- Death is around the corner when the act or the capability to reproduce new life is no longer the primary drive.
- A single mate for life is a rare occurrence in the natural world.
The foundation of the human species is animalistic by design with culture boundary occupied as the top veneer.
In the last few hundred of years, the life span for the human species has doubled. Most people who live beyond the forty years of age still participate in sexual activities, but hardly have the longing desire for procreation.
The foundation begins to crack when life exceeds the natural boundary intended for the purpose of pro-creation.
The ten thousand years of civilization have tried to condition millions of humans to stay in one-mate relationship for life. Statistically, the percentage of the people who are successfully did it is still significantly low – albeit, it should be higher than our raw animal relatives.
Here is the window of insight to the dwindling mystery of the undying love the two “Selves” have loudly declared to the world with all sorts of culture specific rituals –
- Effectively and overwhelmingly, the vast majority of the population operated in the “survival of the fittest” mode and mistakenly fooled themselves into the belief in some sort of celestial love in the far and far away fairyland.
- Most couples live many years beyond the procreation, the creativity and the usefulness of a lifespan Evolution has intended for all life forms.
Are we destined for failure in one-mate relationship for life?
Absolutely not!
One-mate relationship for life is not an absolute requirement for a fulfill life. However, it is the ultimate achievement for the two “Selves” on par with the scaling of the Mount Everest.
Celestial and undying love in the far and far away fairyland is real after-all. However, it must be paid in full with hardship, sweat and tear – it is the same requirement for any achievement in life that is high worth in value for the beholder.
What is your token of payment for the opportunity to climb the Mount Everest of Relationship?
Let’s play the game of life!
