Three years ago, one of an acquaintance I met in the gym had a mental break down – she just found out that her husband had a six years affair with one of his work associate.
Let’s call her Monica!
Monica is vibrant woman with long and luscious shiny hair and bubbling personality – she trained hard, 2 to 3 hours every day and maintained an envious physique of the 30 years old at the age of 56.
Younger men would approach her for conversations and older men would gaze at her from the distance with their own private fantasies.
Yet at home, the intimate life with her husband was falling apart. When the news of infidelity came into light, it was not just one – two, three and four cases betrayals surfaced.
She was missing her gym schedules for months and the day she showed up – she looked her age, a 56 years old woman. She lost 30 lbs of weigh from staying home to deal with the mental anguish.
I did not know her well then along with the details of the affairs. The only thing I did was encouraged her to stick with the gym routines and get back on board with her impeccable diets.
Once she is physically and mentally whole again, she will have a better chance at facing the heart breaking issue at home.
Monica is a stay-home mother of an autistic child. Monica and her husband have been married for 26 years. In the entire journey of the marriage, she gets a monthly budget for foods, clothing, gas and miscellaneous expenses – she is oblivious to all other aspects of the family finance, the paychecks, the CDs, the investments, the 401K, the IRA.
She blindly trusts her husband will always take care of her and her autistic child.
Now that he is betraying her heart. Emotionally she is devastated, but yet, the worst is the terrifying thought of the possibility that she may have to handle the financial security for herself and her child going forward.
I can relate to this situation with my own.
My wife and I have been together for 27 years. When we first met, we had few thousand dollars in asset. Now we have two homes, one primary residence and one rental, along with 401K, traditional IRA, ROTH, brokerage investments, savings and CDs.
My wife is oblivious to all these accumulated assets and blindly trusts me to always take care of her and our daughter – despite of my many failed attempts to get her up-to-date with the our current financial standing.
If my demise is unexpectedly happened today, my wife will not be able to carry on the full responsibility of the family finance for herself and our daughter – it is a huge concern without a reasonable resolution due to years of blind trust.
Ironically, the two cases of marriages discussed in this article are completely different in the quality of relationship. Monica and her husband are dealing with adultery and the possibly ending of their relationship – whereas, my wife and I are maintaining and growing the bond for the path toward “One Mate For Life“.
Yet, the financial outcome for both Monica and my wife is exactly the same if the husbands in the two marriages are no longer presence in the relationship – their financial outlook will be complicated and bleak because of their financial blind trust toward their partners.
Trust is a corner stone in all types of relationships. Below is the anatomy of relationship.
Without trust, any above relationship will deteriorate within a very short time. Time is one of the essential ingredients for the growth of relationship – don’t you ever notice, anything in life will grow on you the more time you have devoted to it.
Blind trust on the other hand introduces the Achilles heel in to the relationship. The function that keeps the relationship as whole will cease to a halt when the partner who provides the function is sidelined for any probabilistic reasons – good or bad, moral or immoral.
In our 27 years of marriage, we had not experienced any infidelity instances that can easily trigger the financial Achilles heel into our relationship. In Monica case, it happened – and it can havoc her life with the children going forward if the impending divorce is unavoidable.
Blindly trust your spouse with the entire burden of the family financial management introduces failure into the relationship regardless how stable is the marriage – in our case, I could have unexpectedly passed away for hundred of reasons along the 27 years of our relationship.
There is nothing wrong with maximizing the benefit of your partner’s natural capability. If he/she is better at managing the family finance, he/she needs to take on the task.
However, it does not relief you of the responsibility in the detail understanding of the family finance – it is a crucial validation that the relationship has the proper check and balance.
Unfortunately, many women and their children around the world fell into poverty because the financial blind faith toward their partners.
I realized that it will take more than just rallying the women to step up and take charge of the family finance right at the beginning of their relationship.
To protect the women and children from becoming the victims of poverty, nations around the world have to work harder in the promotion of women’s rights and fairness across all economic opportunities.
However, the change can begin at grass root level. The opportunity for demanding the equal rights present itself right at the beginning – when love is in the air.
Had Monica involved with the family finance right at the beginning of their relationship, the check and balance would have deterred the destructive and animalistic behavior her husband failed to take charge – men will always be men as long as we can get away with acceptable or none of the consequences.
In the less turbulent relationship like my wife and I, where both partners want the best for each others, open communication and cross training in all the responsibilities, especially the family finance – will strengthen the marriage.
Trust your spouse to put the well being of your children and you ahead of his/her needs and wants is a priceless psychological encouragement you can demonstrate to your partner.
Knowing that you have the necessary skill and the perseverance to step in and help in time of need eliminate the weak link in the relationship – ensure the long lasting of a marriage.
Relationship – Eliminate Blind Trust in a Relationship
Let’s play the game of life!
