There is an old saying “money can’t buy love!”
As I am making the transition into the second half of life, I have a second thought on the true fidelity of the statement.
When I was in my late teen, I noticed many of my peers leveraging sport cars and designer clothes to attract potential play mates.
Even though my puberty hormones went off the roof, I did not want to participate in that game strategy. I just want to meet a girl who would like to be with me just for who I was and not what I was driving or wearing – this was probably my first conscious philosophical thought about relationship.
Due to the fact my father was poor – taking on part time jobs during my free time away from school as soon I turned sixteen was a normal routine.
There was not any money left for the fancy sport car or designer clothes!
The earnings were prioritized with a percentage to be sent to mom. Financially, she had hard time survived on her own since the split from my father. The rest was accumulated in saving – in preparation for college.
Below is the anatomy of relationship. Clearly money was impacting my “Self” and my “Parents” – mom needed help and I was able to meet it with money.
When I graduated from college and met the girl in according to my deep inner the desire – I just want to meet a girl who would like to be with me just for who I was!
I knew with 100 percents of certainty, she attracted to me for who I was because I had exhausted the last dollar to squeak pass the college mile stone.
I out-lasted my third used car and brought a one-way grey hound bus ticket to Boston – stayed for free couple weeks with a kind friend, and found a part time job bartending in a restaurant.
When I met the girl, I was penniless and without a car. Hence the 100 percents of certainty – she attracted to me for who I was!
As soon as the girl and I knew we were destined to be husband and wife, we diligently worked and saved toward a common objective – we were going to be engaged and married within 9 months since the day we first met.
In the next 8 to 10 years, money was a scarcity in retrospect. It is a retrospect because both of us came from poverty, thus, we did not feel we were any poorer than the earlier living with our parents.
We were young and the money was always readily available if we were willing to get up every morning and work for it – and we were!
We were young and in love with each other. Living pay check to pay check was not an issue as it was a conditioned mindset picked up from living in abject poverty with our parents.
I felt the squeeze of money 3 years after our marriage – my daughter came to join our family.
We had approximately 10K in our saving, about one year worth of our low standard of living 27 years ago – taking inflation into consideration, it is a little over 20K in 2019.
We were still living and moving from one apartment to the next.
I was 25 and my wife was 23 when our daughter came into our lives. We both were young and inexperienced as new parents.
We became more selective of the place we lived – we did not realize it then, in a synchronization of consciousness, we both wanted better for our daughter.
Certainly, money became tighter and we fought more often through spats of stupidity.
Tired from all the arguments, I stepped up and got a second job just to relief the money squeeze – it did help with the frequent spats.
Three years later, we saved enough to put a down payment toward our first home. As first time home owners, we were ecstatic. We felt in love with each other more. We had more a lot more sex than spats of stupidity – money had come to the rescue.
During the time, I was averaging 80 plus hours of working per week between two jobs – I was out every night except Sunday and sometime Saturday morning.
We were building up our net worth mainly in the home by paying extra in the monthly mortgage. Little left over was sitting in CDs – we were financially illiterate about the stocks market.
After two years of long hours, the strain in the relationship came back, not because we were strapped of money – physically, I was exhausted.
Again, money came between us. It was frustrating for both of us because not too long ago we fell in love with each other without any prerequisite of money – not a dime!
Actually only when looking back, I clearly saw and understood money had impacted our lives. However, we were young, naïve and inexperienced to recognized the root cause of the stress.
Only when I graduated with the Master in Computer Science and was able to secure a solid income with reasonable working hours, averaging 60 hours per week, the money stress was finally tapered for many years to come ( Money – Self-Made by Designed Part One).
Fundamentally, the impact of money on relationship can be appraised – it is the multiple of the part of the relationship you would like to participate.
For example, the smallest part in the anatomy of relationship is the Self. You cannot have a fulfill relationship with the Self if you don’t have the capability to compete in the society for a small sum of financial resource – specifically, a median income.
If you belonged to the X-Generation as I am, there is a high probability your parents needs your financial assistance in old age. The relationship with Parents in these situations can be stressful if your income is not higher than the median income – assumed you are living the median income lifestyle and the excess is slated to help your Parents when in need.
Once you are participate in the Family relationship structure, the financial required is substantially higher than the median income. Assume a family is composed of the two spouses and one kid – mathematically, the required income is two median incomes and a little more to take care the helpless child.
In sum, the participation in the three parts of relationship, the Self, the Parents and the Family will required four times the median incomes for a chance in flourishing the relationship – this is the minimum requirement in most situations.
The multiple of median income to the relationship parts is the reality base calculation of quality in any relationship without the fuzzy logic of love – love is the root of the relationship tree and the available money is the fertilizer onto the root.
All relationships in the world require the investment of money or time – in many cases, both resources are needed to build and fortify the connection.
Every single one of us is naturally animalistic by designed. Survival of the fittest will forever be the foundation of our existence – therefore, money will have an impact on every relationship we are and will participate from birth to death.
There is a part of truth in “money can’t buy love”. For the full truth to reveal itself, it will take a life time of living and experiencing the entire spectrum of life to the fullest.
Let’s play the game of life!
